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Emotion for Cons? Not On My Casio Watch!

We’ve already built an airtight case against Twitter here which some people tried to respond to but all I heard was “Blah, blah, blah I just ate lunch, here’s a picture of it on tinyurl.”

I can safely assume that, by extension, the case has been made against blogs, Facebooking, MySpacing, Youtubing, all so-called “Christian” pseudo-alternatives to these social outlets and anything else people enjoy. (Has some one made a “Christian” knock-off of Twitter yet?)

By the way, there’s a new program for all the people who join Twitter and then don’t come back after one week. It’s called “Quitter” and it’s the fastest growing trend in trendy Twitterland. And that guy who took my name and never uses it is really irritating as well. So is hypocrisy. And ants.

But what about Emoticons? You know…these things:

🙂 😉 🙁 😕

Are they to be rejected as we have so scientifically made the case to reject other fun things?

Here follows a bold prediction: In ten years all written communication will be in the form of emoticons.

This begs the question: Are emoticons of value?

Let’s do what thoughtful people do (for a change) and compile a list of emotipros and emoticons.

Emotipros: 1. Cuteness. I am a man, so I’ll stop right there. E-nuff said. 2. I’m pretty sure no one else noticed this, but some of these things kind of look like a person’s face. 🙁  <— frowny face. Look closely. 3. Allows people to make use of that part of the keyboard which does not have letters on it with success. I don’t know about you, but I get lost over there in the land of :;'”<,.>?/}[. It’s confusing. What are you supposed to use for what? The answer is emoticons. That’s what.

Emoticons: 1. Anything popular with teenagers is bad. This is a pretty infallible rule. 2. It replaces written communication. Instead of saying, “I feel so sick today,” you get some green little face –which is not better. 3. Most men look from side to side to see if anyone is watching before punching in an emoticon. And they should. So, it’s a shameful thing. Gents, no eye-contact, or hugging. And if you must hug, don’t make eye-contact. 4. They’ve cheapened the “Have a Nice Day” smiley face. It used to mean something.

So it’s 4 to 3, and Emoticons lose. Now, stop it.


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