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Of Tweets, Twits, and Twitches

On second thought maybe I won’t start Twittering. Not yet. Not unless someone can convince me that it’s more than just…

“… the telegraph of Narcissus. Not only are you the star of the show, but everything that happens to you, no matter how trifling, is a headline, a media event, a stop-the-presses bulletin.”

From Nicholas Carr, via Justin Talyor.

Ouch. The “telegraph of Narcissus.” That’s good copy. Also, I still haven’t taken the time to really understand what Twitter is, or how it works. Is it basically like the old Status Update on Facebook? Mostly like the ones which say “…is taking a nap,” “…is making dinner.” Wow, awesome news. Dinner. But we could analyze that stuff all day and I think we can all rest assured that the government is spending trillions on studying this stuff as we speak.

What am I turning into, a curmudgeonly critic of modern superfluity? I like hearing those kinds of updates from some people -especially when it’s entertaining. Otherwise, there’s the “hide” feature on Facebook at least. Use it and save precious minutes. Someone who has really good Status Updates is our very own Eric Peters. He had a recent one that went like this:

Eric Peters pities the poor, rotting Easter eggs forgotten and undiscovered in lawns across the USA.”

S.D. Smith likes this.

I saw where Ashton Kutcher beat Larry King and CNN at getting a million Twitter followers. That is a lot of twits. I mean tweets. It is also making it extremely easy on the dude who writes that feature in Sports Illustrated called “Signs of the Apocalypse.” I feel like I wasted time taking ten seconds to hear the news about it reported. How much worse would it be to actually hear anything that Ashton is doing unless he is Punking Andrew Peterson.

AP: What do you mean I’m a drug mule for Compassion International? AK: Ha, Ha! You got Punked. AP: Oh. Hold on a second, let me send a tweet about this. AK: No way, I’m already doing it. I have a million followers. AP: I think you’re actually Punking all of them, then. Because that is a joke.

Maybe I’ll start an even quicker and more immediate social connection medium: Twitcher.

Every three seconds or so all of your bodily movements, “Twitches,” are recorded and broadcast to all the people who think you’re a big deal.

I see money in my :::back spasm::: future.


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