top of page

The Envelope Please…

Thanks for all the entries, folks. Next year’s race is going to be beyond pretentious if you guys are right. I finally got around to seeing There Will Be Blood this weekend and I’m wondering if there isn’t some way to canonize Daniel Day Lewis. That guy is my hero. So after finally seeing that film, Keith gets big bonus points for making me spray tea out my nose for his suggestion of a musical version starring Robin Williams and Eddie Vedder. Who wouldn’t pay to see those two break into a song titled You Stole My Milkshake and duke it out with bowling pins? That’s just genius. (The Dude should make a cameo.)

Keith gets another bonus for the title, Flee! Enemies! Another tea-spraying moment for me and that was before I even read his synopsis. Someone get Uwe Boll on the phone to direct that one, please.

Other than the comedic entries, I thought a few of them really had that Best Picture ring to them: The Plains of Serengeti, The Eleventh Hour, and Victory’s Song. Unfortunately though, there can only be one winner. The envelope please…

The award goes to Tina Zorn for The Plains of Serengeti. Congratulations, Tina. She gets the win because not only does it most definitely have that magic title, it’s also got a pet-cheetah-mauling scene. Just imagine the tagline: ‘On the plain, no one can hear the cheetah maul you.’ I’m crossing my fingers for Tracy Morgan to play the mauled witch-doctor.

So there you have it. I’m afraid someone ran off with the solid gold statuette (probably Randy Goodgame because his Legend of Pope Joan got snubbed), but I’ll be sending you a copy of Alan Paton’s brilliant Cry, The Beloved Country. It’s worth more, believe me. It’s one of my favorite books ever and is just screaming to be a Best Picture one day. (The only movie version thus far is a stinker.)

Thanks for all the entries humoring my little Oscar challenge. If anyone that enjoys this sort of thing has ideas for future contests I’d love to hear them. If you think they are stupid and I should be cheetah-mauled, I’d love to hear that too.


bottom of page